PRIVACY POLICY 

We loved this privacy policy because it takes the lengthy boring legalese and turns it into something that you can actually understand.  So, with permission, we borrowed it from Writers' HQ"   Naturally, we want to first give credit where credit is due...

“With thanks to Writers’ HQ, our supreme writing commanders, glorious leaders and excellent but tiny overlords, who have verily granted us permission to use their splendid and sweary Privacy Policy.”   

Yeah, that, except we took out the sweary bits :)

Here we go...


Wow has anyone ever read one of these?

We have to have one of these dealios to explain how we comply with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there’s not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.

Also we don’t really know what these things are. We’re just two under-heighted writers who thought we’d have a laugh and get other people writing with us.

The best bit about the GDPR is that all this has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” so hold on to your hats, this is going to be the shortest, clearest and best freakin’ privacy policy you ever did see.

TLDR

We’re a tiny, overstretched business and we don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that we’re not human , we’re just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.

We collect and store the info we need to provide you with the service you buy from us. We will occasionally stalk you via Facebook adverts. That’s really it.


COOKIES

Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Well then. Yes we use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want our delicious home-baked chocolate chip info, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to us when nothing does what it’s supposed to.

STALKY VISITOR TRACKING

Look, we’re following you, ok? We use Google Analytics, primarily to stare at the real time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people looking at so we can write more of the stuff you like.


None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that we’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with us by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing our stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time LIKE being awesome and building an awesome business and life. 

DATA STORAGE

DATA!! It’s all about the data, baby. A literal tonne of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. We store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this?

Here on this website! If you register with the site we will store your name and email address (see Active Campaign below). If you buy stuff from us we will store your name, email address, postal address, phone number if you give it to us, and purchase history. Your info or payment details ARE NOT held on the site. We obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only one person has access to it. 

We’ll be honest: we do absolutely nothing unsurprising or radical with your info. We may in the future use your purchase history to target you with ads for stuff you might like. For e.g.  If you’ve done one of our courses, we’ll occasionally ask you if you want to do another course. Does that make us EvilMegaCorp? Idk, it’s fairly standard isn’t it?

Active Campaign! If you’ve signed up for anything or bought anything on our site – newsletter, free course, paid course, membership, merch, anything – your name and email address also wangs its way over to Active Campaign, which is the system we use to manage our newsletters and emails. They are (allegedly) GDPR compliant. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button.

Kajabi! Some of our courses run on a learning management system called Kajabi. It’s rad. When you sign up for a course, your name, email address and the course you want to take is flung over to Kajabi where it sits there and lets you access your course. Kajabi is (allegedly) GDPR compliant.


YOUR PAYMENT DETAILS

When you buy stuff, you will either pay through Stripe or PayPal. The only payment-based details we hold on our site is how much you’ve spent and whether you paid with Stripe or PayPal. We have no bank or card details or nada here. Stripe is GDPR compliant. PayPal is being totally weird about it but will have to be GDPR compliant or everyone in Europe will have to stop using it and probably they don’t want that. 

EMAIL MARKETING THINGYS AND NEWSLETTERS

If you sign up to our newsletter or free training, we will send you a newsletter or free training – generally once a week, sometimes less, sometimes more if there is more interesting stuff to tell you. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address are stored securely in Active Campaign or sometimes Kajabi.

If you sign up for a course, we will send you emails about the course. The frequency of which depends on the course. You can unsubscribe but you’ll miss important stuff about the course.

Active Campaign automatically adds tracking things to links so if you click on a link WE KNOW. If you open an email WE KNOW. If you ignore us reminding you to be awesome and build your business WE KNOW.


YOUR RIGHT TO BE DELETED

FINE GO AWAY THEN WE DON’T CARE (well, yes we do, but ok). If you want to go undercover, just chuck us an email at margie@margieanalise.com. and we’ll delete all the info we have on you from our systems while having a passive aggressive huff about what we could have possibly done wrong.  

This does not include PayPal and Stripe. If you want to delete your PayPal or Stripe accounts you have to do that yourself via PayPal or Stripe. We cannot delete your purchase history because the taxman will be terribly upset.

Just so you know, though, you won’t be able to access our courses anymore. We’re not being jerks, it’s because we need your email address so we know you’ve paid and that you’re allowed to access it.


SOCIAL MEDIA AND ALL THAT BOLLOCKS


We use social media a lot, partly to promote our courses and other cool stuff but mostly as a vehicle for our cat pictures and inspiring stuff. If you talk to us in our Facebook group and we become familiar with you, we might find you on Twitter and say hello. You can ask us to be less friendly if you wish and we will of course respect your boundaries.  

You are not required to follow our social media accounts and we won’t ask our future employees to temper themselves in the service of us. 

THAT'S IT.  CONGRATULATIONS IF YOU READ THE WHOLE THING YOU READ OUR ENTIRE PRIVACY POLICY (YIKES!)

Ok we’re done now.

Thanks.

Ok bye.

Ok bye love you.

Byeeee.

kk bye.

 

 

Bye.

MARGIE

ANALISE