As a human being, your natural instinct when you get hurt, is to find a place to put blame. Sometimes it’s on God, sometimes an ex, sometimes yourself. You foster anger, feed negative energy, and you expect something or someone else to change before you can find forgiveness. It’s painful to live this way, isn’t it?
Several years ago I had an experience that in the end, gave me greater insight and wisdom about forgiveness, but it was a very painful lesson at the time. I was lied to by someone I trusted. When he told me he lied, I didn’t accept the way in which he said he was sorry. I told him it had to come another way – my way – before I could “forgive” him. It took quite awhile, but the longer I reflected on this, the more I became aware that I was placing the responsibility of forgiveness on him, when really, I needed to put it back where it belonged – within myself.
To be able to forgive is to be able to release yourself from the pain caused by hurt, by no longer holding someone else accountable for it. You take control of your emotions and life. You choose – do you want to foster bitterness and resentment, or a peaceful heart?
A quote that has forever changed my perspective comes from Corrie Ten Boom. She said;
“Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, only to learn that the prisoner was me”.
Life is a journey of learning how to live authentically. Be true to yourself. Forgiveness is never contingent upon the actions of another – it can only come from within. So, when you are hurt, it’s not something or someone else that needs to change to find forgiveness – it’s you.